The Process...

"Until the day break, and the shadows flee away" -- Song of Solomon 2:17

I knew I wanted something on my back. But because your spine is your lifeline, the center of your being, and to me symbolizes strength, I though very long and carefully on what I thought it should be.

I was reading one night, and found this line. It is from Song of Solomon 2:17. It is not the full verse, but it really stood out to me (the script used is Hebrew). The wonderful part about scripture is it can mean different things to us at different points in our lives, and I love that I know this verse will grow with me.

It gives me hope in light. Because light will always break through the darkness. Good will always win. Because although at times our lives can feel so dark, and hopeless -- there will always be a time get it gets better, the pain will fade, and you will come out better and stronger....so until then....have faith.

And then...

I have always been one of those people that wants everyone to be happy. I sacrifice my own happiness, hold back, and always explain my actions. I have kept many people in my life that don’t make me happy, bring me down and make me feel less of myself. All of which they claim to do out of caring.

I have found in life that I tend to think I am “done” changing. ThatI have become who I will be. But I think I have come to realize that it is a continuous progression and evolution. My question is, can we really ever go back to who we were? I was told the other day that I needed to go back to being the girl they knew several years ago. And I simply do not think we can. Even if you tried desperately you cannot un-learn and un-experience the things in our lives. Every day, every moment and every decision we make changes who we are, and who we will be. Sometimes this is for the better and others it is just change.

I am jealous of people who can just let others walk out of their lives…I can’t just let go. I fight till there is no fight left, even when I know I shouldn’t.

The biggest lesson I have learned this year – don’t stress. Life is going to come at you. Things are going to change. People leave. And the only person you really need to rely on is you. Because in the end, everyone else can and will let you down at some point. Happiness comes from within….

True friends accept every part of you – even the parts you try to hide. They will sit quietly by you, just because you need someone to be “there”. They never tell you what to do, they love and support you even when they don’t agree with your decision, and they are the first person there to help you gather all the pieces when it doesn’t work out.

עד ההפסקה יום וצל של לברוח משם

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