I feel like people fall in love with the idea of me.
I come across as a really sweet, innocent, hard working, independent person. Which in many respects I am. But there is also another side of me. The relationship side. And I'm not sure if it is a good thing, or a bad thing that I am different in a relationship.
I feel like they have me built up in their head of what I am, how our relationship would be, and that is what they fall in love with. But the reality of me is different. Who I am is so much more than what they want or are willing to see.
I am emotional, high maintenance, dramatic, demanding, irrational.
I get afraid of getting close to them. I don't want to ruin this version of me that they love. The perfect me.
They say love is blind. I say love is naive.
Forever Love...
Yesterday in conversation with someone we were discussing once in a lifetime loves. You know that one person that you loved more than anyone else. The one that you will love forever. Some people are lucky enough to marry their once in a lifetime love. Others are destined to wonder. My question is: Do these people really only have that once in a lifetime love? Or once that person is gone to they pull back? Preventing them from loving like that again?
I have a once in a lifetime love. We were together for over 2 years. I loved him more deeply, passionately and recklessly then I have loved anyone. Then I will allow myself to love anyone. He is the one I will compare my feelings to someone to. The one I would have done anything for. The older I get the less I allow myself to love. I fall into like, lust and about everything else. But not love. Love is too deep. Too scary. Too risky.
Love means you can, and most likely will be hurt. Love means trusting someone with every ounce of your being. Knowing that at any moment they can crush you. Love is allowing someone to know every part of you. Your insecurities. Deepest fears.
I admit it love scares me. Love is one of those things that “happens” to other people. The people I photograph. I believe in love. You have to in my profession. It is all around you all of the time. I see the love and passion in a newly sealed couples eyes. The joy of knowing they are going to be married for eternity. But I just don’t think that it will happen for me again. Whether that is because I won’t let it, or because you only get that chance once…I don’t know. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want it.
I have a once in a lifetime love. We were together for over 2 years. I loved him more deeply, passionately and recklessly then I have loved anyone. Then I will allow myself to love anyone. He is the one I will compare my feelings to someone to. The one I would have done anything for. The older I get the less I allow myself to love. I fall into like, lust and about everything else. But not love. Love is too deep. Too scary. Too risky.
Love means you can, and most likely will be hurt. Love means trusting someone with every ounce of your being. Knowing that at any moment they can crush you. Love is allowing someone to know every part of you. Your insecurities. Deepest fears.
I admit it love scares me. Love is one of those things that “happens” to other people. The people I photograph. I believe in love. You have to in my profession. It is all around you all of the time. I see the love and passion in a newly sealed couples eyes. The joy of knowing they are going to be married for eternity. But I just don’t think that it will happen for me again. Whether that is because I won’t let it, or because you only get that chance once…I don’t know. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want it.
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