faking it...

this last weekend i had an amazing time

there are few times i really let go

living in the moment

letting my emotions be free

few people can truly bring this out in me

my best friend

my wife

a few lovers

my puppies

baby

most times i will only be free when i trust

but once and awhile it's risk

but one i am willing to take

it is usually not worth it

but i have learned to recover quickly...

i took a risk

i had fun

a lot of it

my heart is fine

i think it is numb

and some part of me likes that

i don't want to hurt....again

 i think it would be easier to fake it

all of it

happiness

love

passion

emotion

don't get me wrong...

i am happy...alone

with me

my life

my wife

my friends

the simple life

i do what i want

when i want

with who i want

but something is missing...

my fairytale....

my once upon a time....

and i don't think it exists

but i will still wait

holding on to hope

because without hope

faith

we have nothing...

 and hopefully there will come a time 

when i won't be let down

brushed aside

 they will hold on with all they have

because i am not worth losing

they will chose to stay

and we won't be faking it... 

"and they loved with a love that was more than love" -- Edger Allen Poe

love in a box...

 

it's easy to see how everything is loosely
put into a box to describe how
well it is working
but can you tell me
how did she knock me off of my feet
when she said hello
my name is beautiful
i said excuse me miss but it's time for me to hit the floor

and now this dancing has turned to falling
words can't do justice to this girl i know

and it's those deep breaths that get me through the times
she's standing next to me
she's nothing short of lovely
does she notice that i can't breathe
everything around me is getting hazy

i'll loosen up my tie
no use in being shy

so take one petal at a time
and toss it to the ground
closer now, i'll touch your lips to mine
and feel how we have to hold our breath
to make sure we don't miss one moment tonight

under this moonlight
i can see the mystery behind your eyes
with every taste girl, well i delight in you
and yet this distance
that separates my hand from yours
can only make me appreciate your heart
i adore you

so take one petal at a time
and toss it to the ground
closer now, i'll touch your lips to mine
and feel how we have to hold our breath
to make sure we don't miss one moment tonight

quiet now, she's fast asleep
and to my arm she's clinging
you're mine girl
and my heart is yours

so take one petal at a time
and toss it to the ground
closer now, i'll touch your lips to mine
and feel how we have to hold our breath
to make sure we don't miss one moment tonight

life...

"My life didn't please me, so I created my life."  - Coco Chanel

i have never understood those that are not happy 

with something, someone

and are not willing to change the circumstance  

if i am not happy 

i change 

move on

progress

i create happiness

strive for contentment

and live for myself

if there is anything i have learned in the last 2 years

it's that no one can make you happy

but happiness is within your own soul

chose to be happy

live and love with reckless abandon

be true to yourself

pain fades

friends come and go

relationships end

but if you love yourself

i promise you'll make it through

no matter the darkness -- light will come

and the light -- it always wins...

so hold on

because it gets better

always...

crazy...

i have said many times that girls are crazy

but this week -- i feel completely insane

i want to crawl out of my skin

and totally lose it

scream at the top of my lungs because i feel like it

cry over nothing and everything all at once

i'm ready to just feel normal again...