words...

sometimes the words will just not come

i look for my thoughts through others words

and wish i could express myself as they do

my love passion obsession lately has been

miss sylvia plath...

she can stir an emotion with a simple sentence

a maze of words that is so simple

so perfect...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything,

it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.”

 

“Yes, I was infatuated with you: I am still. No one has ever heightened such a keen capacity of physical sensation in me. I cut you out because I couldn't stand being a passing fancy. Before I give my body, I must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren't having any of those. ”

 

“I have taken a pill to kill
The thin
Papery feeling.”

 

“I write only because
There is a voice within me
That will not be still”

once upon a time...

i feel like i have so much swimming through my brain

but nothing all at the same time

so this may be a bit all over the place

and perhaps a bit of a rant...

do people believe in true love anymore

in a fairytale...

does that idea of a true love still exists

why are we so okay with a partial love

filling in the gaps with other things

other people... 

once upon a time...

it exists

happily ever after...

i'm not so sure about that part

but to make it through 

you have to believe

in prince charming & white horses

because without it -- it all becomes hopeless

and simply the idea is enough...

faking it...

this last weekend i had an amazing time

there are few times i really let go

living in the moment

letting my emotions be free

few people can truly bring this out in me

my best friend

my wife

a few lovers

my puppies

baby

most times i will only be free when i trust

but once and awhile it's risk

but one i am willing to take

it is usually not worth it

but i have learned to recover quickly...

i took a risk

i had fun

a lot of it

my heart is fine

i think it is numb

and some part of me likes that

i don't want to hurt....again

 i think it would be easier to fake it

all of it

happiness

love

passion

emotion

don't get me wrong...

i am happy...alone

with me

my life

my wife

my friends

the simple life

i do what i want

when i want

with who i want

but something is missing...

my fairytale....

my once upon a time....

and i don't think it exists

but i will still wait

holding on to hope

because without hope

faith

we have nothing...

 and hopefully there will come a time 

when i won't be let down

brushed aside

 they will hold on with all they have

because i am not worth losing

they will chose to stay

and we won't be faking it... 

"and they loved with a love that was more than love" -- Edger Allen Poe

love in a box...

 

it's easy to see how everything is loosely
put into a box to describe how
well it is working
but can you tell me
how did she knock me off of my feet
when she said hello
my name is beautiful
i said excuse me miss but it's time for me to hit the floor

and now this dancing has turned to falling
words can't do justice to this girl i know

and it's those deep breaths that get me through the times
she's standing next to me
she's nothing short of lovely
does she notice that i can't breathe
everything around me is getting hazy

i'll loosen up my tie
no use in being shy

so take one petal at a time
and toss it to the ground
closer now, i'll touch your lips to mine
and feel how we have to hold our breath
to make sure we don't miss one moment tonight

under this moonlight
i can see the mystery behind your eyes
with every taste girl, well i delight in you
and yet this distance
that separates my hand from yours
can only make me appreciate your heart
i adore you

so take one petal at a time
and toss it to the ground
closer now, i'll touch your lips to mine
and feel how we have to hold our breath
to make sure we don't miss one moment tonight

quiet now, she's fast asleep
and to my arm she's clinging
you're mine girl
and my heart is yours

so take one petal at a time
and toss it to the ground
closer now, i'll touch your lips to mine
and feel how we have to hold our breath
to make sure we don't miss one moment tonight

life...

"My life didn't please me, so I created my life."  - Coco Chanel

i have never understood those that are not happy 

with something, someone

and are not willing to change the circumstance  

if i am not happy 

i change 

move on

progress

i create happiness

strive for contentment

and live for myself

if there is anything i have learned in the last 2 years

it's that no one can make you happy

but happiness is within your own soul

chose to be happy

live and love with reckless abandon

be true to yourself

pain fades

friends come and go

relationships end

but if you love yourself

i promise you'll make it through

no matter the darkness -- light will come

and the light -- it always wins...

so hold on

because it gets better

always...

crazy...

i have said many times that girls are crazy

but this week -- i feel completely insane

i want to crawl out of my skin

and totally lose it

scream at the top of my lungs because i feel like it

cry over nothing and everything all at once

i'm ready to just feel normal again...

"sometimes you fall

spinning through space

grasping for the things that keep you here

sometimes you catch them

sometimes you don't
sometimes they catch you"

- Francesca Lia Block 

- - - - - - - - - - - -

sometimes the things in life we need

are not the same things we want

i find myself grasping

for things, relationships, stability

at what point do we accept

that sometimes what we need

isn't always what we want

sometimes the things we need

are the ones that find us

catch us

it is when they catch us

that we need to hold on for dear life