We went on a Jeep ride yesterday....
In her....
Looking For...
A friend posted this on his Facebook...I loved it.
"if you cannot handle me at my absolute worst, then why should i spoil you with my absolute best?"
Why is it that when you date someone that the second things get hard, emotional, a little rocky they bail? When things are sugary and perfect they will stick around. Why do we waste so much time trying to hide these things from the other person? Hiding who we really are?
Everyone has good days and really bad ones. But it isn't till we are so deep in a relationship that we really let ourselves be who we are?
"finding one's counterpoint in another, that's true love"
What am I looking for? I ask myself this question a lot. What do I want out of a partner...In a relationship...I want someone I can be honest with. Someone that loves me, my analytical side. Because I analyze every and anything. My emotional side. The days that I need so much reassurance it is pathetic. The days that I am so excited I can't contain it. My need for things...to the point that it becomes an obsession. (ie my camera). Someone that sees me for who I am really am, and loves me for my inadequacies. Someone that will hold my hand when I am 80 years old and look at me like he did when I was 30. Someone that can stand by my side, hold me up when I can't stand any longer, and isn't afraid to let me hold them up.
I want something real...the can't eat, can't sleep, can't live without kind of love. Because regardless of what anyone says it is still out there. I'm not looking for someone to complete me...just someone to compliment me.
"if you cannot handle me at my absolute worst, then why should i spoil you with my absolute best?"
Why is it that when you date someone that the second things get hard, emotional, a little rocky they bail? When things are sugary and perfect they will stick around. Why do we waste so much time trying to hide these things from the other person? Hiding who we really are?
Everyone has good days and really bad ones. But it isn't till we are so deep in a relationship that we really let ourselves be who we are?
"finding one's counterpoint in another, that's true love"
What am I looking for? I ask myself this question a lot. What do I want out of a partner...In a relationship...I want someone I can be honest with. Someone that loves me, my analytical side. Because I analyze every and anything. My emotional side. The days that I need so much reassurance it is pathetic. The days that I am so excited I can't contain it. My need for things...to the point that it becomes an obsession. (ie my camera). Someone that sees me for who I am really am, and loves me for my inadequacies. Someone that will hold my hand when I am 80 years old and look at me like he did when I was 30. Someone that can stand by my side, hold me up when I can't stand any longer, and isn't afraid to let me hold them up.
I want something real...the can't eat, can't sleep, can't live without kind of love. Because regardless of what anyone says it is still out there. I'm not looking for someone to complete me...just someone to compliment me.
I miss her...
She has been living with my mom due to my renting situation. I go and see her a couple times a week. But I miss the little Sass. Today I went over to play with my new polarized lense and she was so excited to see me...she was going nuts running around. Then she sits and looks at me with those eyes and I have a hard time leaving...
Randomness for a Monday Night...
I write a lot.
Usually just in my mind.
Sometimes I let it out...onto paper.
But by writing down it makes the words real.
And in a sense the emotions real.
I sometimes struggle with letting people so far in my head, into my thoughts, my emotion.
But then in moments I feel liberated by it.
Usually just in my mind.
Sometimes I let it out...onto paper.
But by writing down it makes the words real.
And in a sense the emotions real.
I sometimes struggle with letting people so far in my head, into my thoughts, my emotion.
But then in moments I feel liberated by it.
I have decided its time to let my guard down.
To stop keeping people at a distance.
And by people I mean person.
Guess we'll see how this one goes...
Over...
I want to believe I am over you
But every day there is a another reminder
Now we have been apart longer then we were together
But every day there is a another reminder
Now we have been apart longer then we were together
You have to think of me...
In the back of my mind I've kept you
No one knows
I try to take control
I don't know if I have the strength this time
Filling my time with distractions
As many as I can find
But still you are there
And I hope some day you will leave...
Tony Grove...
I uploaded most of the the pictures from this weekend to my Flickr...you can link to it on the right. But I wanted to share my favorites from this weekend...
Annoyed...
Why do people have to open their mouths when they don't know what they are talking about? Why do they insist on saying and doing things when they don't have the facts? Why do people that aren't even my friends insist on sticking their noses in my business? And my family's business? It is so annoying. It is one thing to ask...another to assume.
If you are wondering...just ask. Please.
If you are wondering...just ask. Please.
Misunderstood...
Do you ever try and say things and the words don't come out right?
If I could just write things to people vs talking to them I don't think I would be so misunderstood.
I always try to be so clear with my intentions, but sometimes I think they become clouded.
I wish others would be more clear.
How hard is it to just say what you mean?
If I could just write things to people vs talking to them I don't think I would be so misunderstood.
I always try to be so clear with my intentions, but sometimes I think they become clouded.
I wish others would be more clear.
How hard is it to just say what you mean?
The Storm Rolling In...
A few I took last night from Farmington Canyon as the storm was rolling in...
We are all looking for Something...
There have been so many times in my life that I just wanted someone to tell me what to do, how to react or what the right choice was for that given moment. I have experienced so much heartache based on the advice that "friends" gave me.
Life can be so confusing. And it is human to look for some sort of outside source of confirmation or guidance. I have always had the outlet of writing. I love to write. For some reason when I think or talk the words and emotions just don't make sense. But the second my fingers hit the keys it is like my mind turns off and the words and emotions flow. And somehow things that seemed so confusing become so clear...
I have learned taking advice from others usually is not a good idea. I am a strong believer that only you know what is right for you. Others tend to give advice that you need to hear, or that benefits them in some shape or form. I don't think any of us really have the "right" answer. I do believe however that we all know deep down inside...what is best for ourselves.
Never in my life have a been in a place like I am now. I have so much peace about who I am, and what I want out of life. I guess sometimes it takes losing everything before we can really figure out who we are....and for the first time I am completely comfortable with that person.
Life can be so confusing. And it is human to look for some sort of outside source of confirmation or guidance. I have always had the outlet of writing. I love to write. For some reason when I think or talk the words and emotions just don't make sense. But the second my fingers hit the keys it is like my mind turns off and the words and emotions flow. And somehow things that seemed so confusing become so clear...
I have learned taking advice from others usually is not a good idea. I am a strong believer that only you know what is right for you. Others tend to give advice that you need to hear, or that benefits them in some shape or form. I don't think any of us really have the "right" answer. I do believe however that we all know deep down inside...what is best for ourselves.
Never in my life have a been in a place like I am now. I have so much peace about who I am, and what I want out of life. I guess sometimes it takes losing everything before we can really figure out who we are....and for the first time I am completely comfortable with that person.
Life is full of transitions. Some are going to be harder then others. But as long as you keep perspective on what is important it doesn't matter what life throws your way...you'll always come out stronger in the end.
My First Time...
So my first time playing photog with my new camera was last night...I don't think I did too bad! I promise every time I go out I won't post a million pictures...but since it was my first I think it is justified! What do ya think?
And LOVE it....
I got this...and I am in LOVE...I have no need for a man any longer...welll except for Phatty! Because he is going to teach me how to use it! Plus he is just awesome! :)
Sweet Talker...
I have been accused a lot lately of being a sweet talker...
To me a sweet talker is someone that says things just to get what they want. They never give genuine complements. There is always some kind of motive.
I only say things I mean...
So yes I may say things that are sweet...but I mean every word.
To me a sweet talker is someone that says things just to get what they want. They never give genuine complements. There is always some kind of motive.
I only say things I mean...
So yes I may say things that are sweet...but I mean every word.
Blessed...
I have been so blessed to have so many amazing women in my life. I have some of the best friends and family. But there is one specifically that I wanted to mention.
Mindy
Mindy is is an amazing women. She is like my older sister. She loves me unconditionally. She tells me when she thinks I am being dumb, making wrong decisions and being dramatic. When I have been hurt she is the first one to stand up for me. She goes out of her way to help me no matter the circumstance. She is the most selfless compassionate person I have ever met. There have been so many times that I honestly don't know what I would have done without her. In the last 3 months our friendship has grown so much deeper and stronger. I am so extremely grateful that I have been so blessed with such an amazing friend and sister.
I love you Mindy. Thank you for being my friend and letting me adopt your family. I honestly don't know what I would do without you.
Mindy
Mindy is is an amazing women. She is like my older sister. She loves me unconditionally. She tells me when she thinks I am being dumb, making wrong decisions and being dramatic. When I have been hurt she is the first one to stand up for me. She goes out of her way to help me no matter the circumstance. She is the most selfless compassionate person I have ever met. There have been so many times that I honestly don't know what I would have done without her. In the last 3 months our friendship has grown so much deeper and stronger. I am so extremely grateful that I have been so blessed with such an amazing friend and sister.
I love you Mindy. Thank you for being my friend and letting me adopt your family. I honestly don't know what I would do without you.
Change of Direction...
A friend posted something on her FB the other day. She said that she hated it when people changed directions with their blog and it led to nothing but boredom. You know who you are :)
I don't know if it was my blog. I don't know who's it was. But I do know that my blog has done a 180 from where it was a year ago or even a couple months ago. I wrote a couple weeks ago about how it was going to change. I was going to post more real and a lot less of the fluff. Maybe to some it is boring? But it is a true representation of me. Who I am. I do however believe because I use my blog to vent, post random thoughts, and probably too much information at some times, it has become more a personal journal then anything. Perhaps it makes me sound like a far more depressed person then I am but I don't post for anyone but me. And if I help someone in the process, have someone relate to me, or make them laugh that is just a bonus.
I was asked yesterday if I found it weird that strangers could read about my personal experiences, struggles and just day to day thoughts. I guess I had never really thought about it that way. I am a very open person. A very honest person. I guess in a way my blog forces me to be honest with myself.
"Be honest with yourself, Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish."
I don't know if it was my blog. I don't know who's it was. But I do know that my blog has done a 180 from where it was a year ago or even a couple months ago. I wrote a couple weeks ago about how it was going to change. I was going to post more real and a lot less of the fluff. Maybe to some it is boring? But it is a true representation of me. Who I am. I do however believe because I use my blog to vent, post random thoughts, and probably too much information at some times, it has become more a personal journal then anything. Perhaps it makes me sound like a far more depressed person then I am but I don't post for anyone but me. And if I help someone in the process, have someone relate to me, or make them laugh that is just a bonus.
I was asked yesterday if I found it weird that strangers could read about my personal experiences, struggles and just day to day thoughts. I guess I had never really thought about it that way. I am a very open person. A very honest person. I guess in a way my blog forces me to be honest with myself.
"Be honest with yourself, Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish."
-- John Jakes
Relationship Girl...
I think that sometimes in relationships we get so caught up. We get caught up in the emotion, the excitement, that we push things to go faster then they should. We fall deeper and faster then is natural. We start to envision our life with this person. Our future. And before we know it not having them in that picture is scary.
I have stayed in many relationships that I knew were not right because it was too painful to think of my life without them. I held on to pieces and a thoughts of how I thought things could be. In the back of my mind I knew there would be an end. But it seemed it would be easier to deal with that heartbreak later, maybe it would hurt less then.
Now for the ironic part...
I have always been in relationships. I am a "relationship girl". But I also have a huge fear of commitment. I am okay with having a boyfriend. I am okay talking about the future. But once that future becomes more of a reality I get uncomfortable. This leads to me dating emotionally unavailable people. Yes in my heart I want to find that man. The one that makes me feel secure, loved, beautiful, treats me like a princess and all of that. But then there is this other part of me that struggles with giving myself to a person like that. I have no problem giving everything to someone that isn't good for me. The one that doesn't give me the attention I need. Makes me feel insecure and gives me anxiety. Maybe somewhere in my subconscious I feel like this is "safe" because I know there has to be an end to the relationship...
True relationships grow. It is a gradual process. In the beginning it is hard to see this clearly.
This time...I am going to try it the other way. This time I am going to give myself to someone that gives themselves back to me and I am going to do it slowly...letting it grow.
I have stayed in many relationships that I knew were not right because it was too painful to think of my life without them. I held on to pieces and a thoughts of how I thought things could be. In the back of my mind I knew there would be an end. But it seemed it would be easier to deal with that heartbreak later, maybe it would hurt less then.
Now for the ironic part...
I have always been in relationships. I am a "relationship girl". But I also have a huge fear of commitment. I am okay with having a boyfriend. I am okay talking about the future. But once that future becomes more of a reality I get uncomfortable. This leads to me dating emotionally unavailable people. Yes in my heart I want to find that man. The one that makes me feel secure, loved, beautiful, treats me like a princess and all of that. But then there is this other part of me that struggles with giving myself to a person like that. I have no problem giving everything to someone that isn't good for me. The one that doesn't give me the attention I need. Makes me feel insecure and gives me anxiety. Maybe somewhere in my subconscious I feel like this is "safe" because I know there has to be an end to the relationship...
True relationships grow. It is a gradual process. In the beginning it is hard to see this clearly.
This time...I am going to try it the other way. This time I am going to give myself to someone that gives themselves back to me and I am going to do it slowly...letting it grow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)