Conclusion...

I realized something about myself today.

I like to be involved. I want to know what is going on in people that are close to me's lives. I want to know how they are feeling. I want to make things better for them. Be understanding of their situation, or trials. I cut them slack, even sometimes make excuses for them based on what is going on in their life.

But when it comes to me, I am closed off. Sure I might give you so vague idea, but it is always at a distance. I show glimpses here and there on my blog, but it is far from what is really going on. I don't think I write it down because I don't even want to be that honest with myself. I can't be that honest. Because I think if I really put it all down I wouldn't be able to handle it. Instead I keep myself busy. Help other people with their problems, get involved in their lives, because I feel like I can at least help them, or maybe bring them a little clarity.

I know at some point I have to give in. At some point I am going to have to let someone be there for me. I can't always be the strong one. But I feel like to let someone be there for me I am just a burden. That is really the only way to put it. I don't want to feel like I owe someone. I don't want to feel like I am dragging them down. I want to be the one that is picking them up.

With all of this being said, I am exhausted. Truly exhausted. Who knows, maybe it is mono, or my thyroid. Regardless I am going into the doctor tomorrow to be tested for both. I went from not sleeping, to being able to sleep for 14 hours. By the end of the day 6pm I am so exhausted I feel like I can't even stand. I am praying it is just a virus. And it will be over soon so I can get some of the things done that I need to take car of.

I'll keep you all posted :)

And by the way...to all of you wonderful sweethearts that wished me a happy birthday...I love you all! 26 really is a strange age...

xoxo