Almost one year ago a boy put this ring on my finger and asked me to marry him. I said yes.
Shortly after I took back that answer, and he took back that ring.
I don't regret my decision. Although he was a wonderful man. It just wasn't right. But I can't help but think about him. How he is doing. I can't help but care about people in my past. It's so deeply engrained in me I don't think it will ever change.
People ask me how I can still talk to some of my ex's. Ones that have hurt me so badly. And all I can tell them is, I cared about them. You can't just stop that. they don't seem to like that answer. Maybe it is because I can't not have them in my life in some way. Or maybe I just don't have it in me to hate someone. Regardless...that boy that gave me that ring? He is the only one that I don't maintain some sort of relationship with...even if it is just being friends on FB with some of them.
When I am in a relationship I give everything I have. I can't walk away until I can say I tried everything. This leaves me never having any regrets. There has only been one that I regret. And it is because I listened to a friend. I don't know that we would have ended up together. Nor do I blame her. I blame myself for listening to her. He was an amazing man, and I broke his heart. There are days I really wish I wouldn't have listened.
But everything happens for a reason I suppose.
Life is about timing. I seem to have really bad timing. Things with that boy I have mentioned are still going along at a snails pace. Although we did have a good conversation last weekend. It was determined that he needed to take some time and think about what he wants out of life. Last night I got a text that said "I have been thinking :)" Not sure what that means. But we'll see. In the mean time I am dating. Not that I have been out with anyone yet. But hey there is always the option...haha.
My first blood tests came back and everything looked good, except for something with my liver. So they are re-testing that. And about 20 other things. Very exciting :) They said I should have some results back by next week. More then likely they will come back and say nothing is wrong. Which is good and bad.
I think the reason why I couldn't maintain a friend relationship with some of my ex's is because of the romantic feelings it would bring up. If I was in a new relationship it could really mess things up. I do still have good friend relationships with some of my ex's but that usually took a while for me to seperate my feelings. I don't see that there is anything wrong with trying to stay friends unless it is affecting a current relationship.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that your first blood tests came back looking good. Hopefully they can figure out what it wrong and get things fixed.